NaruToons
by pain17ification
Summary: Giving into despair, Naruto calls upon his tenant to end his suffering. However, instead of killing the boy, the Kyuubi breaks his mind and causes her host to become insane in the Looney variety! Now, with feats that defy laws of nature and space, the last Uzumaki of the Hidden Leaf will carve a path of craziness and downright looniness on his way to what he truly desires!
1. Chapter 1: The Looney Maelstrom

**What's up, doc? Here I am with another crazy story idea!**

**See, I come from a generation where **_**Looney Tunes**_** used to show up every morning on the weekends and I'd wake up early just to watch. I've watched a couple of old clips on YouTube and I have to say that I miss the zaniness and overall craziness.**

**So, I've decided – with the help of two very close people – to try and make a **_**Naruto**_** and **_**Looney Tunes**_** crossover!**

**I own nothing and I hope to leave you all laughing, chuckling, or even simply smiling wherever you read this!**

**X-x-X**

_NaruToons Chapter One_

_The Looney Maelstrom_

**X-x-X**

We begin this tale with a peaceful little village, where-

"WAIT A SECOND!"

A teenager dressed in a black shirt with an orange vest, red pants, and black sandals wearing a Hidden Leaf headband runs in front of a blank white canvas.

Pointing at the viewers, the teen yells, "Hey wise guy, we can't have a story intro without some scenery!"

_Huh… I guess I forgot to put that there. Hang on a sec._

A paintbrush appears next to the redheaded boy and moves in an artistic fashion, giving the viewers an image of the beautiful Village Hidden in the Leaves with the teen standing on an old apartment rooftop.

_How's that?_

"It'll do. Now, onto the story!" (1)

**X-x-X**

There was a large, gray colored building within the walls of the Hidden Leaf, placed in one of the more secluded sections of the village. This building was dull and quite plain, but a large sign out front read _Hidden Leaf Asylum_.

It is here that citizens of the Leaf who have, to put it bluntly, lost their minds for any reason reside. Within one of these rooms, an elderly man was seen seated in a comfortable chair with a straightjacket on while a redheaded teen was lounging on his back with his arms as a pillow…on the room's ceiling.

"…And that is where you come in, my boy," stated the man, finishing the explanation to his dilemma concerning the Academy Graduates. "You're the only one around their age group that is remotely prepared for what's out there; though I had hoped you would've learned from a more…reliable source."

The teen grinned widely and waved his hand in dismissal. "C'mon Gramps, you're too hard on her. She said she was sorry after all. Besides, it's not her fault that some guy with pink eye drove her nuts."

"Even so, she's the reason you're in this place, Naruto," argued the man.

"Pfft! You know for a fact that the reason I'm here is not because of her." He dropped from the ceiling and sat down to face the tied up Hokage. "The reason I'm here is because _you_ thought it'd be best for me when I was just fine! I mean, look at me! I'm in the prime of my life here, Gramps! So what if you think I'm crazy!"

"Naruto, I never said that."

"But you implied it. Besides," his grin grew and stretched across his face, "I'm not crazy; I just don't give a darn!"

He then started bouncing all over the walls in whooping laughter that made the Hokage both mentally smile and frown at the same time. He was happy to see Naruto so upbeat, but he knew the only reason he was so was because his mind was damaged.

It had taken years – ever since Naruto was seven years old – for the truth of Naruto's mental damage to be brought to life. From what he had gathered during the rare moments of Naruto being serious, the boy had escaped into his own mind when the hatred and disgust of the villagers finally got to him. The boy had unknowingly entered the representation of the seal and met the Kyuubi; who revealed itself to be a female.

Desperate for an escape and a release from his life, he had begged the vixen to put an end to the hurt and the pain, promising anything in return. It still surprised the old Kage that the Kyuubi only damaged Naruto's mind to the point of insanity instead of outright hilling him. The result of the damage done by the vixen was Naruto disregarding all signs of the village's hatred of him in exchange for insane antics.

His pranking had _tripled_ in activity during the first year, and the pranks were surprisingly far more intricate in design than they were before. Not only had that occurred, but the mixture of the Kyuubi's chakra into his brain had spread to his entire body, coating it and his natural network in small fragments of Bijuu chakra. This resulted in something worthwhile happening to Naruto; which was another reason for Hiruzen to place him in the Leaf's asylum.

Now, the Hokage wished to utilize that worthwhile phenomenon to full effect and have Naruto join the ninja core. With his insanity and the unusual abilities the Kyuubi had unknowingly – or possibly even knowingly – bestowed upon him, the Uzumaki would be a force to be reckoned with.

First, he had to get Naruto to calm down and agree.

"Naruto, settle down for one second please and listen!" The boy was in front of the man on a dime, once more surprising the Kage with his speed. "I need you to take a spot on the remaining team of graduates from the Academy. Without you, they would be down a member and unable to become Genin of the village."

Naruto nodded and hummed in thought. "So, I get to be a Genin then, huh? Why not just pull someone from reserves?"

"Because most Genin from reserves are already experienced enough to be Chunin and are awaiting private tests with an experienced one. This leaves you, Naruto, since you're trained and you're around their age."

The teen frowned at that before his thoughts turned inward. _'What do you think?'_

_**"****I say go for it. I mean, it's not like you'll be allowed to do much else in here, considering you're loony and all."**_

_'I guess… Hey, does this mean I can mess with other people…on the outside?'_ His grin grew to new lengths at the thought.

_**"****Of course, Kit! You'll be able to fuck with any person you meet and show them your special brand of crazy!"**_

"I'm in!" yelled the redhead, to both the old man and his tenant.

Hiruzen smiled and nodded, standing up from his seat. "Excellent. Now, we'll head to the Academy at once so you can meet your team. I asked them to wait for me there. I'll have someone give you clothes since a hospital gown just won't do for a Hidden Leaf Genin."

Two ANBU operatives entered the room and freed the Hokage from the straightjacket before leading him and Naruto out. As soon as they were out, one of the operatives grabbed the boy and started squeezing the life out of him.

"Thank Kami you're finally out! I've missed you so much, squirt!" exclaimed a female voice while Naruto's face turned blue and his head started to expand like a balloon about to burst.

His head actually did pop at that, releasing a BANG followed by confetti and streamers. The ANBU casually tossed the body aside and looked up, seeing Naruto standing on the ceiling with a pout.

"That wasn't nice, y'know." He then paled and had a look of horror. "I coulda died!"

"Like you would die from that, squirt. Besides, I hardly hugged ya!"

Hiruzen and the other ANBU member chuckled at their antics before the Hokage stated, "Snake, you are relieved of ANBU duties for the time being. I'm reassigning you to the IT Dept. with Ibiki."

"Oh, goody goody!" gleefully cheered the ANBU member before she removed her mask, showing a young woman with purple hair styled into a fan like tail, brown eyes without pupils, and a slightly fanged grin.

"About time you got outta disguise, nee-chan," Naruto stated with a grin before clothes were smacked into his face.

"Shaddup!" she yelled. "Put those on already and let's go, brat!"

Mocking her command with a high pitched voice that made her eye twitch, he stepped into a small room before coming out in a black shirt under an open orange vest that had a red spiral on the back, red pants, black sandals, and a Hidden Leaf headband loosely hanging around his neck. On his forehead was a pair of goggles that had been given to him as a child by the Ichiraku Ramen chefs.

"Alright then, I'm ready to go!" he stated with a grin.

_**"****Looking good there, Kit. The clothes really suit you."**_

_'Heh… Thanks, Kyuubi.'_

_**"****What did I tell you to call me?"**_

He mentally gulped at her tone and corrected himself, _'I mean thanks, kaa-chan.'_

She smiled at him after he rectified his thanks. _**"That's a good Kit…"**_

Mentally smiling back to her, Naruto followed the others as they led him to the Academy. Along the way, villagers were giving him shocked looks along with looks of distrust and hatred. However unlike before, Naruto ignored those looks and smiled widely, humming a tune the entire time and singing the verses every now and then.

"Hmm hmm, hm-hmm… _Hello my baby, hello my honey_… Hm-hmm hm-hmm hmm hmm… _Baby, my heart's on fire_…"

Mitarashi Anko chuckled at that, knowing the song since he would sing it to himself now and then in his cell. She was a frequent visitor of the boy, seeing as she was the one that Hiruzen had bring him in. The kid was just too much fun and she was allowed inside the room with him at times, allowing her to see firsthand just how loony – his words – he was.

In her eyes, Naruto loved to laugh and be silly, and he seemed to enjoy it even more when he either messed with someone or made them laugh. It was during her visits that the two shared ideas and eventually got close. It was by accident one day that she had called him otouto, and at first she thought she had gone too far when she saw him tense and freeze.

But seconds later, she was busy keeping her balance as the boy sized bullet slammed into her and hugged her tightly. Something sparked in her that day, and she mentally made a promise to make sure that the kid would keep on laughing…for his own sake.

They had finally made it to the Academy and Naruto was led into a classroom where four people were waiting. The first was the Chunin instructor, Umino Iruka. He bowed politely to them while discreetly – in his opinion – eyeing the redheaded boy.

The second adult was a woman with wavy raven hair, wine red eyes, and some unique attire made of what appeared to be wrappings. It suited her well, strangely enough.

The two Genin beside her were a boy and a girl. The boy had bushy hair and wore a coat with a high collar that left only his shaded eyes visible. He had a look of utter calm and seriousness about him. The girl had platinum blonde hair and wore a purple outfit that accentuated her developing figure. She gave the boy a polite wave since she thought he looked pretty handsome. (2)

"Naruto, these three are the remaining members of your team. Your sensei is Yuhi Kurenai," she nodded politely and smiled at him, "Aburame Shino," he stood and gave a small bow, "and Yamanaka Ino." She waved again with a wink.

"Yo! Pleased to meet you!" greeted Naruto. "As for me…"

He grinned before he threw down a smoke bomb that already had Anko grinning. The others were surprised to find themselves in theater styled seats with a stage before them. A spotlight hit the stage and smoke came from openings. From the smoke, Naruto appeared with his arms crossed and a confident smirk on his face.

_"Introducing, the world's looniest ninja of all time; Uzumaki Naruto!"_

Confetti shot out and Naruto pulled out a top hat and cane from nowhere before he started to tap dance off the stage alongside upbeat music. When he was gone and the lights shut off, Anko laughed loudly in her seat while Kurenai and Hiruzen had small smiles. The two Genin, one Chunin, and remaining ANBU member were left confused as to how Naruto had pulled it off before they turned to Anko who clapped and whistled.

In another burst of smoke, the scenery returned to that of the classroom with Naruto sitting on the top of the cane, perfectly balanced and cross legged as if he'd done it many times before. "So, what'd you guys think?" he asked with a grin.

Kurenai was the first to speak, clearing her throat first. "Well, you certainly are as eccentric as ever, Naruto. Though for the sake of _our_ sanity, please refrain from going overboard too much with your antics."

"No promises there, Kurenai-sensei!"

Shino fixed his glasses and commented, "It certainly was theatrical, though I'm unsure of how you were able to change our location so easily. It seems impossible, yet you obviously did it." He nodded, seemingly to himself. "I look forward to trying to deduce these 'antics' sensei says you do, Uzumaki-san."

"Oi, enough with the fancy shmancy smart talk, bug man! Speak the common tongue!"

"I was under the impression that I was. Forgive me if you had trouble understanding."

Naruto shrugged and waved off the apology while Ino finally composed herself. "That was…weird. But, it was kinda stylish at the same time. At least you'll keep things interesting."

"Girl," began Anko with a snicker, "you have _no idea_ how true that statement will be."

"Well, I believe I'm no longer needed here. Boar, return to your post. I'll be in my office shortly. Iruka, you're free to go as well."

"Hai, Hokage-sama," saluted the ANBU and Chunin as they left in a leafy **Body Flicker**.

"Be sure to listen to your sensei and help your teammates, Naruto. And also, keep in mind that the Will of Fire burns strong in all of us."

He then left while Anko stood up and stretched. 'Well brat, I'm gonna go clean up that extra room of mine. No way am I letting you go back to that poor excuse of a shack you called home."

"Aww!" he whined. "B-But it was such a cozy little shack! It was just my size!"

She bopped him on the head. "Well too damn bad! You're living with me and that's final! Got it?!"

He shrunk – literally shrunk to a chibi size – at her glare with cute little fox ears and a fluffy ball of fur for a tail. "Hai, Anko-nee…"

She grinned victoriously and ruffled his chibi head before she left, allowing him to return back to normal. Kurenai rolled her eyes at that, having seen personally how close the two were when Anko dragged her along for a visit one day.

She had also seen just how crazy Naruto's antics and abilities were, so she knew just how dangerous the boy could be to potential threats. After all, the stuff he could pull off made what he already shown look incredibly tame. She was still unsure if it was possible that he did those things, but she wouldn't question it.

Rumor had it that the last doctor who tried to question the redhead's antics and figure them out found himself with a cell of his own at the asylum.

"Well then, I believe we'll continue this next time. We'll meet at Field 8, which corresponds with our team number, so that we can fully introduce ourselves and I can administer your true Genin Test."

Shino nodded, having already figured out there would be a second test. Ino frowned at the sudden information, but she wouldn't let herself fail to become a kunoichi. Naruto…

Well, Naruto was playing cards with two clones at a poker table; each clone with a large cigar in their mouths.

"I have two Queens," stated the first.

"Flush of Diamonds," the second one said with a smirk.

The last – and original – redhead grinned and threw down his cards. "Royal Straight Flush! I love it when a _hand_ comes together!" he declared, making the other two glare as he pulled all of the chips to his side. "Don't hate the player boys," he said as he took a drag and blew out the rest of the phrase in smoke.

_Hate the game!_

Kurenai's brow twitched at the blatant smoking coming from the three redheaded players. _'I get enough smoke from Asuma whenever he flirts with me! I do NOT need any more smoke!'_

Naruto and his clones caught the small burst of killing intent and froze before they woodenly turned to her. "Uh-oh…"

"Naruto…" she began in a low tone, surprising the other two Genin.

"Well, what do ya know?!" hurriedly exclaimed the Uzumaki as his clones dispersed. "It's time for me to go! Tootles!"

With a start of him running in place so fast his feet became blurring whirls, he shot out of the room like a rocket with a dust cloud trail following him. As the dust cleared, a sticky note was seen on the chalkboard with a drawing of a chibi Naruto with his foxy features throwing them a peace sign and a grin. While outwardly giving a look of irritation, internally Kurenai was chuckling mirthfully at his antics. She was going to enjoy having him. Though, a part of her wished that she could teach Hinata – due to her insecurities – she knew that the Hokage was right about her emotional attachments. She would be more of a hindrance to the girl due to her unconscious coddling.

She hated that it was true, but she couldn't deny it.

With a final nod to her remaining Genin, she left in a **Body Flicker** while they calmly walked out of the Academy building. The sane members of Team 8 all shared the same feelings of anxiety and worry that day, having seen just how loony their redheaded teammate was.

And their careers would only get loonier from then on.

**X-x (End Chapter) x-X**

**1~ Occasionally, scenes like this will happen where Naruto breaks the Fourth Wall. When these scenes occur, my responses will look **_like this_ **while Naruto's will be typed normally.**

**2~ Due to being in the asylum, Naruto never got introduced to the other Rookies. So, no one knows about him yet; though their parents do.**

**Th-Th-Th-That's all folks for Chapter One! I hope you all enjoyed this and got a good laugh! I gotta admit that this story seems like it'll be loads of fun to type up!**

**Just a warning, chapters may be much shorter than my other works since this is mainly a FanFiction made on a whim. I still hope you all review it and love it as much as my other works!**

**pain17ification**


	2. Chapter 2: Comic Mischief

***plays **_**Looney Tunes**_** intro theme***

**Here we are with Chapter Two of NaruToons!**

**I own nothing and I hope to leave you all laughing, chuckling, or even simply smiling wherever you read this!**

**X-x-X**

_NaruToons Chapter Two_

_Comic Mischief_

**X-x-X**

Loud snoring was heard coming from a small room within an apartment complex. It was surprisingly powerful, considering that the door to the room curved inward with each inhale and then curved outward with each exhale. The snorer was none other than our resident redheaded teen who was sprawled out on his bed.

His leg was twitching every few seconds, he had a puddle of drool on the sheets he slept over, and a cloud was seen attached to his head. Within the cloud, there were little scenes of the teen performing some of more insane pranks and the reactions that resulted from them. It was a hilarious montage, considering that a certain Snake Mistress was seated in a chair with a bag of popcorn as she watched and snickered at the various scenes, taking care not to wake up her charge and ruin the show.

The Uzumaki snorted, making the cloud turn into vapor as he stirred awake while Anko was left pouting. As soon as he sat up on the bed, she bopped him over his red locks and made him eat the sheets.

"Dammit brat, I was watching that!" she yelled, getting a muffled reply from the teen. "I don't care if you can't control when you wake up! You ruined my show!" Another muffled reply followed, making her gain a tic mark. "Oh, I'm being _overdramatic_, huh?"

Grabbing him by the scruff of his white night shirt, she hefted him up and carried him to the kitchen before slamming him into a chair at the table. She gave him a look that dared him to move before she got to cooking in the kitchen. The redhead grew paler and paler at the growing scent before the dish was presented to him:

Steamed vegetables.

His eyes became pure white in horror as he tried to get up and make a break for it. However, Anko was faster and used ninja wire to hold him in place, making him struggle to get free. It was no use and his face comically drained of all color as Anko held a spoonful of veggies to his face.

"Gonna take it back?" she asked while waving the spoon threateningly.

"Never!" he declared as his mouth zipped shut and a padlock appeared to lock it shut.

Her tic mark returned, along with two friends. "Oh, you're not getting out of it _that_ easily, you little brat!"

Outside the apartment room, bystanders and passerby people heard sounds of scuffling, female yells of rage, and male yells of fear. They also heard explosions, blows being dealt and…

"MOOOOO!" *CRASH!*

…a cow.

Finally, the door opened and Naruto, in his normal clothes, sped out as if he was being chased by the hounds of hell…and those hounds were in the form of his irate sister hot on his trail. On the way out, he sped past a silver haired Jonin, causing the force of his speed to blow away most of the man's clothes save for his boxers and his facemask.

Anko slowed to a stop as she approached the man, took a look at him as he was left frozen in surprise, and then promptly fell on her ass in a fit of laughter that made her forget everything else that had occurred. The shocked man finally rebooted his thoughts before he left in a swirl of leaves, desperately trying to figure out what the hell had just occurred.

Back with Naruto, he was still running at high speed with a visible force of speed and wind surrounding him as he rocketed through the village streets, making the air currents pick up with the force of a mid-rank wind jutsu. He finally figured that he was in the clear and began to skid to a stop, leaving a long black trail that began to crack from the pure force of his momentum.

When he finally reached his stop, he sighed in relief and looked back to his mark on the roads. Humming in thought, he formed a clone and pulled out some measuring tape, having the clone snag the end tip.

The clone nodded and sped off to the origin of the mark while the original redhead read the measurement. "One hundred…and…eight feet. Not bad," he stated with a grin before both the tape and the distant clone left in plumes of smoke.

The teen took a look at his surroundings with his blue slitted eyes. This was the only visible side effect of the Kyuubi breaking his mind, and she commented on how it added appeal to his normal look. His sclera were a natural white, his irises were a deep purple, and the slit pupil in each eye was a bright, almost glowing, blue. Naruto liked how "cool" his eyes were while Anko noted that they'd be great for intimidation.

To his luck, he had arrived at the designated training field that his possible sensei told him and his possible teammates to meet at. Grinning at his unintended success at arriving first, he dug into his vest pocket and pulled out a scroll labeled "ACME" before he sat down and unrolled it across his lap.

"Now, let's see what I can build today."

_Uh, Naruto…?_

He rolled his eyes and replied, "What, voice in my head?"

_You do realize that ACME has always had faulty merchandise…right?_

He shrugged and kept looking. "Maybe, but who's to say it won't work in my favor when the faults occur at _just_ the right time?"

_Do you realize how utterly stupid that sounds?_

"To you, it does since you lack my insane mentality! But to me, it makes perfect sense!"

_Ugh… You know what? I give up. Do as you please, but don't blame me when it blows up in your face._

Naruto nodded to himself and kept browsing while his two teammates arrived to the field. Shino moved over to some bushes to let his bugs try and find more for his internal colony while Ino moved over to the redhead to look at the scroll over his shoulder. She had a look of confusion when she saw that it was filled with labels that had the company name ACME on each one.

"What's ACME?" asked the blonde.

"A company I've done business with before. They're rumored to be faulty by _some people_," he began before looking up with a frown, confusing Ino, and continuing, "but I've been lucky with them so far."

She shrugged and sat down next to him, looking at the scroll with him and asking about a label whenever it looked interesting to her. Shino had also sat down, but across from them, and greeted his redheaded teammate. Naruto greeted back politely, since his mind was more focused on the scroll than any insane antics.

By the time Kurenai had arrived – about fifteen minutes later – Naruto had put away the scroll and was lounging against one of the training posts while Ino was checking her supplies and Shino was communicating with his female beetle. "Good morning," she greeted.

"Good morning, Yuhi-sensei," returned Shino respectfully, as was normal for members of the Aburame.

"Good morning, Kurenai-sensei!" cheerfully greeted Ino. She was pleased that her sensei was one of the better known kunoichi of the village.

Naruto gave a lazy wave as the large white hat that looked far more western was tilted down over his eyes. "Yo, sensei."

She didn't even bother to ask where he got the hat she had _definitely_ not seen him wearing just a second ago. "So, we are here for your true Genin Test. Fair warning that this test has a 66% fail rate. That means, at most statistically, only one of you has a chance at passing." Ino visibly gulped in worry, Shino frowned thoughtfully, and Naruto raised the hat's brim above his eyes so that he could look directly at the Jonin. "In the Hidden Leaf, we only accept those who rise above the challenges and prove themselves to be valuable assets and members of the village's Ninja Corps. As such, not many actually do pass the tests which led to the high failure rate."

She let that sink in to them, pleased to see that she had their attention; even Naruto's. After a few moments, she pulled out a small scroll and tossed it to Shino, who caught it with ease.

"In that scroll is a set of instructions that I want you to follow. The goal for you three is to see the mission completed and follow the directions fully." They nodded and the other two gathered around Shino as he opened the scroll. "When you three feel as if you've finished, then return here. You all have until 2pm to finish."

She then left a swirl of leaves, leaving the Genin-to-be to read over the scroll. Shino read the directions aloud. "First, the team is to locate and retrieve the white stick of the monkey king's son."

"What the hell does that mean?" asked Ino.

"It's a riddle," Shino stated. "We need to decipher it before we move on."

Naruto meanwhile took the scroll and read through it while the other two tried to work out the riddle. There were four directions to follow, and they were:

_Locate and retrieve the white stick of the monkey king's son_

_Steal the treasure of the lazy dog_

_Sabotage the twin guardians_

_Damage the pleasure of the snake queen_

He frowned at them all, his mind working into overdrive to try and figure it out. As he thought out the riddles, Kyuubi to note of dozens of little chibi redheads looking over stacks and piles of paperwork on a large table. She chuckled at how each one tried to offer an answer, but was immediately shut down when the answer ended up being overly ridiculous or just plain stupid. It went on for a while, with one clone even sent to a corner with a Dunce Cap for an incredibly stupid idea, before they finally got most of the answers.

The first answer was to take Sarutobi Asuma's cigarettes, the second was to steal one of Hatake Kakashi's porn books, the third was still unsolved, and the last… The chibi redheads all gulped in fear, faces pale at the answer. The fourth order was to mess with Mitarashi Anko's dango.

The redheads all got into a single file and walked through a door that had the words "Death Row" over the frame. As soon as the last one passed through, the real Naruto perked up and then had a look of utter terror on his face. Ino took note of this, since she and Shino had stopped their own brainstorming to get input from their final teammate. She was the first to turn to him and she saw the look on his face.

"You alright, Naruto?" she asked.

"We're doomed," he muttered before he pulled out an ink brush and a paper with the words "My Will" on the top. Shino raised a brow at his actions while Ino had a look of worry, but Naruto paid them no mind as he focused on finishing his Will. As soon as he did, he pocketed it and sighed. "I got most of it figured out. We need to take Asuma-sensei's cigarettes, one of Kakashi-sensei's porn books, I don't know the third, and the last…is to ruin Anko-nee's dango."

Shino looked over the scroll again, nodding at the redhead's deduction while Ino tried to comfort him by gently patting his shoulder. "Hey, it'll be okay. I mean, it's not like this Anko lady loves dango more than life itself, right?" His silence was all the answer she needed, and she had a cold bead of sweat roll down her neck. "O-Oh…"

Shino rolled up the scroll and pocketed it. "The third one was a bit trickier than the others. The two Chunin at the village gate aren't twins, but they are still guards of the village. My guess is that sensei wished for us to surprise them in some manner."

"What do we do, Shino?" the blonde asked. "This test is insane. I mean, Asuma holds his smokes in his pocket, Kakashi is always reading his and I don't know where he keeps his others, the guards will be easiest, and the Anko lady will _kill_ us when she finds out what we did."

Before Shino could answer, Naruto blurted out, "Leave the Jonin and Anko-nee to me." Ino looked to him in surprise while Shino motioned for him to explain. "I could get the drop on them since they won't expect me. Not to mention that the Chunin guards have the least amount of risk, and I'm _much_ more durable than you two." Shino frowned alongside Ino, making the redhead raise his hands in a placating manner. "Hey, I wasn't saying that you two are weak. I'm just saying that I can survive a Jonin's wrath; considering I piss off Anko-nee at least once a day."

Ino looked unsurely at Shino, who had unintentionally become the de facto team leader. The Aburame still had his frown in place, but it was in thought instead of irritation. "Are you sure, Naruto-san?"

Naruto nodded and slid his goggles over his eyes. "Just leave it to me."

Shino nodded. "Very well, then Ino and I will handle step three. We expect you to make it back in one piece, Naruto-san."

"Be careful, Naruto," added Ino before she and Shino left to do their assigned job.

Naruto sighed to himself before he took a crouching runner's stance, direction pointed at the village. His slit pupils gave off a slight glow as his legs ran in place and became twin whirls. Kyuubi then shouted, _**"Go!"**_ and Naruto shot off like a bullet, once again making a cone of force surround him as he ran.

He shot through the streets, making the same effect as before hit the civilians and blow them aside as he sped past. The goggles kept the wind and any particles from hitting his eyes as he made his way to the training fields of the other teams. The first was Field Ten, where Asuma was teaching his students Akamichi Choji, Haruno Sakura, and Nara Shikamaru.

Adding chakra to his speed, he vanished in a blur and the next thing Team Ten knew was a sudden gale of wind blowing past them with incredible force. The force was strong enough to lift up the foolishly dieting kunoichi-to-be and carry her into a tree hard enough to leave an indent. While Asuma went to check on her when the wind died down, he was unaware that his pack of cigarettes was swept away in the wind.

The next target was Team Seven's field, where Kakashi was in the middle of giving his team – consisting of Hyuuga Hinata, Inuzuka Kiba, and Uchiha Sasuke – the Bell Test. While the Genin were unaware of what was about to happen, Kakashi perked up slightly when he felt an incredibly fast approaching chakra source. He frowned slightly, but made no motion of noticing the source.

Once again though, Naruto had added chakra to his speed and blurred right past the Jonin while snatching the man's book. To the man, it happened in slow motion, and he not only saw Naruto take the book. The teen had taken a small bit of time to turn and blow a raspberry at the man as he snagged the book and disappeared.

Kakashi was left in a state of shock, fingers twitching around empty space, as he stood there staring at where his book had been. He had unknowingly left himself open for his Genin-to-be, and they took the opportunity to strike.

The final stop on Naruto's three-step journey was the dango shop. This step was easier to do, but the consequences were _far direr_ than the other two. With a resigned look, the teen had bribed the chef to spike Anko's dango with chili powder; something that she _loathed_ to see on her sweet delicacies. The chef took only a little bit of the redhead's money, knowing full well that the kid was committing a death wish by doing this.

Wishing the kid the best of luck and a safe journey should he die from Anko's wrath, the chef bid Naruto goodbye and the teen rushed over to his team's field…just as Anko entered the establishment.

When Naruto arrived, he saw his teammates already there with a small photo as proof of their actions. Naruto held up the smoke pack and the book before he pulled out his will. As soon as all the proof was presented, Kurenai arrived.

"Well, I have to say that I'm impressed. Not only did you successfully finish the mission, you worked together to do so in a manner that provided the least amount of risk for you all."

"Speak for yourself," muttered Naruto as he signed his Will, making it official.

Ignoring him, Kurenai took the items from the Genin – letting Naruto keep the Will – before she sealed them all up into a scroll. "You all did very well, so I'm pleased to say that you all pass. Now, this team will specialize in infiltration and sabotage, which is something you all can contribute to." She turned to her female student. "Ino, your clan's techniques are perfect for both roles due to your ability to enter a target's mind." Ino smiled at that as the woman turned to her logical student. "Shino, your bugs can easily sneak around and take down enemy forces without them even realizing it. Not only that, but you can speak with them and get information from whatever they had witnessed." Shino nodded and fixed his glasses as Kurenai turned to her last student. "Naruto…your antics and incredibly versatile abilities make you perfect for mass sabotage as well as distraction. While the enemy focuses on you, the others can sneak in to get the job done." Naruto rubbed his head bashfully, not used to praise from anyone but his sister and mother figures. Kurenai smiled and nodded. "Congratulations, you are all now officially Genin and members of Team Eight."

Ino cheered at their success while Shino nodded to his new sensei and Naruto did a back-flip in excitement. However, as soon as the redhead landed, he froze in terror and woodenly turned to see an enraged Anko standing behind him with her arms crossed and her lips red from the chili powder.

"Naruto," she ground out slowly, making him run off to a small hole in the ground before diving inside of it. The woman stomped over to it, letting off her killing intent that left the other two Genin frozen in fear while Kurenai rolled her eyes. From the hole, a stick of dango on a plate was tossed out with a sign tied to it on a string.

The sign read "It was Kurenai-sensei's idea!" and had a picture of a flashing arrow pointed at said Jonin kunoichi. Anko frowned and turned to her friend who just shrugged. "I needed a test to challenge _all_ of my team. We both know that Naruto was more than capable of handling it all by himself if he wanted to. So, I needed a test that would challenge even him."

"But why'd it have to be my _dango_?!" whined Anko as Naruto nervously poked his head out of the hole. "You could've made him prank Hokage-sama! Now my lips and tongue are red and I can only have ice cream for the rest of the day! And I hate ice cream!"

Kurenai rolled her eyes again, waving her team away for the day. "Calm down. So you got burned by your favorite food. It's not the end of the world."

"It is for me," mumbled Anko, crouching sadly next to the hole. She was brought out of her funk by Naruto hugging her, making her smile. _'Damn kid… Here I am, one of the most feared kunoichi of the Leaf…and I'm left smiling with my walls down around this crazy brat.'_

"Are you gonna kill me now?" he asked.

She sighed and pulled him into her lap, her head rested on his as he turned into his chibi fox form. It was a form he took whenever he felt he had upset her, and she couldn't deny that it was adorable.

"Nah, I won't kill ya. Just don't ruin my dango again, alright?" He nodded as she held him. "Good boy."

Inside the seal, Kyuubi frowned at the scene. While she was happy that Naruto had a sister figure to help him out and take care of him, he was _her_ kit. She didn't want anyone to take him away from her; especially with how fragile he really was. No one but her knew just how vulnerable the boy was, and just how close he was to fully breaking every day.

_**"****I won't let anyone hurt you anymore, my kit. I swear it,"**_ she vowed within the darkness of her cage.

**X-x (End Chapter) x-X**

***plays **_**Looney Tunes**_** ending theme***

**That's all folks for Chapter Two! I hope you all enjoyed this and got a good laugh!**

**Now, I'm amazed at how well liked and accepted this idea was; especially since it was made on a whim! I promise to try my best to keep the laughs coming, but it won't always be shits and giggles.**

**There will be drama, there will be romance, there will be somber moments, and there will be hopefully epic battles! Just keep up with the story and you will hopefully be kept entertained by it all!**

**Please leave nice long reviews!**

**pain17ification**


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